Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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