I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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