Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
