it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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