I hope mine doesn't look like that
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
be right there i have to get my cape
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
