I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
