i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
