hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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