Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
