she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
