Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
