your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
