Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
