did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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