Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
