Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
