is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
