We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
