Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
