i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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