you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
