What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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