No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
