hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
