So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
