Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
