she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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