Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
