i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
