ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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