I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
