is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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