I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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