A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
