I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
