My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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