I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
