I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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