And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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