i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
