soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
