you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My breasts were aching with rage.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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