She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
