I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
