it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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