yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
