life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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