Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
