he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
