I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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