Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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