Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
