i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
